Harry Potter In The Bowels Of Hell
by ScriptGenius12
Summary: Next time, he's going after the Khaos Brigade! With apologies to Secondpillow. WARNING: Contains Chainsaw!Harry, Cyborg!Vernon, VampireHunter!Neville, and Lancer!Ron.
1. The Legend Begins

Chapter 1 Harry's First Showdown By: RM

Harry laughed as his chainsaw decapitated 1123345435358889999992900222211110000002111111111111111111111111999999999999999999 Godzillion Imps in a row. He ran out of fuel, however, so he needed to use his guns. He pulled out a pistol and shot some zombie engineers in the kidneys, and they became piles of Ammo for him to use. Using the pistol was boring, so he pulled out a Gigantic Shotgun!

A Hell Razer ran right at him, and it was blown away by solid slug pellets. More Hell Razers tried to snipe him with their laser arms, but he reflected their blasts at them, cutting them in two. In Response, 100 Hell Knights came charging out of Satan's Castle! Harry used his shotguns grenade launcher to Blast the bridge they were running on, sending the horde into the abyss where they would fall forever. However, one Knight jumped at the last second and reached Harry! It bit his shotgun in two!

Harry then pulled out his spare shotgun, which was Double-Barreled. The First shot sent the Hell Knight stumbling back. The next shot turned its upper body into a fine red mist. However, a loud roar told Harry that more Hell Knights were on the way. Harry sat on a rock and looked around him.

Hell's landscape was covered in erupting volcanoes in the North, giant glaciers in the South, Dinosaur filled jungles in the West, and Windy deserts in the East. The East was also the location of Satan's Castle. Assaulting the Infernal Fortress was Harry's main objective when He came to Hell. He had to kill 5 billion clowns to create the Hell Portal, and here he was.

Harry pumped his shotgun.


	2. Knightfall

Chapter 2 Knightfall

1,000 Hell Knights, each wearing Red Communist Armor, rushed at Harry. The Boy Who Lived Smirked as he used his crazy magic BS to run faster than light around the foul demons, blasting away with his shotgun all the the while. He then tragically ran out of ammo, so he started breaking necks and bashing faces with his shotgun. It was bloody work, but he eventually destroyed all of the Hell Knight scum. The Order of The Hell Knights would cease to be an effective fighting force for a very long time. Harry then took a moment to rest. He thought about the family he had abandoned to take this deadly mission.

Then the area around him exploded.

As Harry tried to regain his bearings, he saw a horrible sight! Flying through the air were skeletons with Jetpacks and Missile Launchers. His Calculations revealed that there were over 5,000 of these beasts blotting out the sky. They were called Revenants, and they were the worst type of Demon because they were once humans themselves! This Evil Betrayal would be answered with Death! Harry pulled out his scoped machine gun without a second thought. He took aim, clicked off the safety, and pulled the trigger.

Diplomacy was Completely out of the question.


	3. The Revenants

Chapter 3 The Revenants

The Revenants flew screaming at Harry. He aimed his machine gun and started snipeing them in the heads. Their skulls exploded, but a majority survived. They buzzed around Harry, blasting away with their missile launchers. He ducked and continued firing. As the bodies fell around him, so did blood onto his scope. It was now useless! He then slapped a missile magazine onto his gun. He started blasting the demons, and one missile struck a Revenants jet pack. A massive explosion then engulfed the Revenant, and a chain reaction ensured the deaths of the other Revenants. However, a new wave soon approached. 5 hours later, Harry had driven the entire Revenant species to extinction. Harry had run out of missiles, however. So he pulled out his minigun! But a new threat lurked on the Horizon! A massive force of Cacodemons, large enough to block out the sky, had emerged! Harry fearlessly charged forward. He unleashed Hell on the demons as he pelted their round bodies with shredding lead! But the demons fat layers protected them! One Cacodemon got up behind him and swallowed him whole! It laughed-for two seconds before Harry tore it open from the Inside. He then started blasting their eyes in desperation, and it worked. Blinded, the panicked demons started biting and blasting in random directions, hitting each other! Massive infighting occurred, and Harry got an idea! He started jumping on demons and ripping their eyes out! The blind demons lashed out, hitting each other and causing more infighting! Harry sat back and watched as the horde tore itself apart. But the sound of stomping feet told him that his troubles were far from over. He turned around and saw an entire army of demons.

It was a herd of Succubi.

His worst enemy.


	4. The Headmaster

Chapter 4 The Headmaster

These Succubi were not at all like their sexy cousins. They were big fat things with acid cannons in place of arms. They had T-rex feet and big rotten bellies ready to burst from all the flesh they had eaten. They had exposed hearts and gaping maws that could swallow Hagrid. They all had one eye each. Harry fired with his minigun, and their gas filled stomachs were explosive as it turned out! While he killed over 5,000 succubi, a new succubus teleported into each one's place. Their acid was easy to avoid, but it was quickly expanding and taking over the arena. Harry was running out of minigun ammo! Suddenly, new units teleported in! These succubi had nuke launchers instead of acid cannons, and they were also cyborgs! They blasted Harry, who fell to his knees! Suddenly, a man appeared. He had a gigantic white beard, with flowing robes and a massive wand. It was…...Dumbledore! "YOU SHALL NEVER PASS!'' He roared! He sent a massive wave at the succubi, boiling them into tar, or scrap in the case of the Cyborg Succubi. He swung his wand again and again, eventually killing more Succubi than Guts, The Dragonborn, and Texas combined. Harry felt all his wounds heal, and he felt a new weapon teleport into his sack. "Thank you Dumbledore!" He happily said! Dumbledore winked! "Don't mention it buddy. Now, destroy those demons so we can all go home!" Dumbledore teleported away, leaving Harry to admire his shiny new plasma rifle! He tested it on the remaining succubi, and he was happy to see the plasma burn holes in the freaks! He then used the stun function to freeze the last succubus in place. He ran up to it, ripped its heart out, and shoved it down its throat! A massive onslaught of new foes brought a premature end to his little game!

The Barons of Hell had arrived.


	5. Harry Rocks The Fck Out

Chapter 5 Harry Rocks The F$ck Out

The Barons were big muscled guys with Red horns and skin and they had cloven feet and huge abs. They offered Harry a spot as the New Leader of the Hell Knights, but he refused! They angrily charged him, but he held them off with his rifle. One got close and took a swipe at him, but Harry jumped up high and ripped its horns out. He then decapitated it with its own horns, Count Dooku style.

The others Barons shat their pants and ran away, all while Harry laughed and charged them. He discarded his rifle and used the horns like swords, slashing away at their numbers. Suddenly, he was surrounded by the Titans from _Attack on Titan_! He had been lead into an ambush! The Barons and Titans were upon him, and while he killed millions, it only made a 2% dent in their forces. Just as they were about to fall upon him, a black blur struck. Hundreds of enemies were thrown into the sky, and the black blur followed, dicing them to meat into the process. As red rain splashed upon the Infernal Plains, Harry's savior revealed himself!

It was Ron Weasley, decorated in Black Dragonscale armor and wielding the spear of darkness, known as Gae Bolg!

He gave Harry a hand up and the two fought side by side, murdering demons with ungodly ease! Suddenly, a massive chariot came down from the sky, leaving blue flames in its wake. In the Chariot was…...Hermione Granger and Santa Claus! Santa took out his Pimp Shotgun and started blasting the Imps, whom were Former Elves who had left to join Hell! Hermione pulled out a Guitar from a pocket dimension, and she handed it to Harry!

"Harry, you must rock out to save Christmas!" She epically said as she gunned down Nazi Zombies with her signature pair of .44 Revolvers. Harry grabbed the Guitar, now known as the Dracoslayer Guitar, and he rocked the F#ck out! Hell weeped out lava as Harry tore the place apart with the sonic booms of his overpowered Guitar! Yeah!


	6. Rampage

**Chapter 6: Rampage**

Harry's crew marched unopposed through the ruins of Hell. In Satan's Castle, a figure in Black armor watched from the window! "Lets see what they think of my little friends!" The Dark Scientist laughed! Suddenly, a horde of fat pink dragons descended on our heroes! Luckily, these dragons were dumb as sh*t, and they didn't have wings, and they also liked to charge at our heroes a lot. As a result, most of them died when they charged off the cliffs by mistake. It was almost insultingly easy to wipe out the remainder, which only consisted of a small pack of a million dragons.

Unexpectedly, Two big dragons dropped out of the Sky. One had a pair of Drills on each arm. "I call this one Vernon!" The Dark Scientist taunted. "The Next one is named Petunia, and she has 5,000 regenerating heads! Both dragons were also created from the souls of two humans with the same names! I hope you enjoy your little reunion, POTTER!" The brutal battle began. Ron cut open Vernon's drill arms, exposing the computers inside! Hermione then hacked the computers and made the arms explode, killing Vernon! Harry blew Petunias heads off with his rocket launcher, and Santa burned the heads with his flamethrower breath so that they couldn't regenerate!

After 40 extra battles, during which Harry got a Laser cannon, Ron married a Super Mutant, Hermione got high on grass, and Santa kicked the ass of The Fairy King from Sword Art Online (The King tries to rape the Hero's Wife while she's in a coma, don't feel sorry for the King), They finally reached the Enemy Stronghold! They navigated through a 6666666666667 mile long minefield before blowing up all nine gates of the entrance. The Final Battle was nearing!

The Dark Scientist Laughed.


	7. An Unexpected Reunion

Chapter 7 An Unexpected Reunion

When they entered the entrance to the castle, they found a Revenant! But this was no ordinary Revenant, for it was…..Voldemort! "Satan resurrected me in exchange for service. Of course, I'm going to betray and kill him. After I murder all of you, obviously. However, I'd first like to engage Harry in a one-on-one Highlander duel!" Harry took out his chainsaw, now fueled by the blood of the damned, while Voldemort took out a Silver Greatsword, good for killing werewolves like Harry.

The fight raged on for a century, but eventually Harry was the victor. He then boiled Voldy's remains in Holy Water so that he could never be resurrected again! He heard a stompy sound around him, and he dodged out of the way just in time to avoid a dragon charging at him. It hit its head on the wall, and while it was stunned everyone shot it with their full power! "How did the dragon learn stealth?" Everyone exclaimed! "Me!" said the Dark Scientist! Suddenly, a cage fell on everyone! "Who are you!" Demanded Harry! The Dark Scientist lifted up his Helmet to reveal…..He was Dudley!

"Now Harry will die for murdering my parents with his Baseball Bat in the Deleted scene from the Movies epilogue!" laughed Dudley. Suddenly an axe came out of Nowhere and chopped his left hand off! Another Axe landed in his back. Harry and Company were freed from their cage when an axe struck the lock. Their savior was…..Neville Longbottom! He lifted his twin pair of axes and smirked.

"Ready to kick some ass?" He asked in that deep voice of his. "OH CHRIST YES!" Everyone gleefully said!

"What an unexpected reunion!" exclaimed Ron as he fed his spear with the blood of a thousand corpses!


	8. Jesus shoots some Gangsters

Chapter 8 ALL OUT WAR!

Asskicking occurred throughout the Castle as Harry's army tore its way through demons, Slendermen, Orcs, and tax accountants. Suddenly, a man burst through the window and gunned down 50 trillion gangsters with a single burst from his Tommy Gun. This figure, with his goatee and sunglasses could only be….Jesus Christ! "You are the greatest demon slayer, I will help you!" Jesus said as he pounded a Basilisks skull into the Hole of Souls!

They finally reached the top of the castle for the Final Battle with Satan. Satan was a giant monster with 1221 eyes, 23243323542 teeth, 5568898 arms, 322322222 anal cavities, 2147569157603 legs, 631675208 nipples and 666666666666666666666666666 tentacles. But Harry wasn't afraid, for he had eaten Mrs. Weasley's cooking! As he charged into combat, his friends battled Satan's Captains!

Ron battled Stalin, who had a spear of his own! Ron managed to gore Stalin's black heart out, and Stalin flipped Ron off before he fell over dead. Hitler threw a grenade at Hermione, but she threw it back, blowing Hitler to pieces. Hitler's ass was the only part of him to remain unharmed! Santa fought Mao Zedong, who did a backflip! Mao accidently backflipped off of the roof, and he fell into the sea of corpses created by the earlier battles, where he drowned. Jesus battled Al Capone, who surrendered because Jesus was simply the better gangster. They ran off to watch _Boondock Saints_ together! Meanwhile, Harry fired his shotguns, machine gun, minigun, plasma rifle, pistol, chainsaw, potato cannon, rocket launcher, and laser cannon at Satan for 24 hours until Satan finally bled to death. However, all was not well because a UFO landed on the roof!

From It Emerged…..Donald Trump and His Cabinet!

The Corrupt Government pulled out their laser pistols. Donald Trump Himself had on Red, White, and Blue Power Armor! The Battle was not over! Not by a Longshot!


	9. In The End Of The Sands Of Time

Chapter 9 War Always Changes…..

"I will take responsibility for Satan's defeat to become popular! Then I will mine Hells Hellsteel to power my Nukes! But First I must kill you all so no one can tell the truth of what happened here!" Trump tweeted! "Never surrender!" Screamed Harry, Ron, Hermione, Santa, Jesus, and Al Capone (who had been converted to the light.)! Suddenly, Neville arrived in a Hellish Copter, and he fired upon Trumps Redneck army. "I'm sorry about missing the Final Battle! I was busy stealing military hardware. Also, what they said!" Neville claimed! More UFO's landed around the battlefield, all of them containing greedy men and women hoping to take advantage of the battle for their own selfish needs.

Harry realized that this next fight was going to last for a VERY LONG time

His children would be in high school when he was done

And The battle would go from Hell to Heaven to Earth to Everywhere Else

It was going to be the greatest battle ever fought

His fight with Voldemort lasted a Century

This would last for 900 Centuries

Harry smiled

This was going to be fun

"Lets Kick Some Ass"

Harry's Warband fearlessly charged ahead of him

Harry calmly pulled out the Dracoslayer Guitar

And He Rocked the Fuck Out

FIN


End file.
